Hero Inc.

Last night instead of going out to enjoy my Friday night, I stayed at home to “veg” out in front of the TV. An old movie caught my eye that I remember watching as a kid and started thinking about great soccer moments in the movies. I love soccer, but being an American, it is rare a true, good soccer movie is made. Usually we only get flicks that push soccer even further back in the American eye. If it isn’t part of the American big three (football [NFL], baseball, or basketball), it will not receive its cinematic justice.

Therefore, I have decided to create the five best cinematic displays of soccer that I have seen.

5. Any part with Larry’s (The Keeper) visions, The Big Green – Ah yes, the quintessential Disney formula for the mid-90’s:
   

   Misfit kids + A Sport + 1 Known Actor (Steve Guttenberg) + Humor = Release This Movie

   The Big Green may not have been as good as Mighty Ducks, but I loved the scenes where Larry was imagining the other teams attacking him as their mascots, most notably the Knights. It just goes to show you what magic goggles can do when worn properly on the soccer field. Maybe the goat was a bit much though.

4. Allies vs. Nazis, Victory – This movie could have been great. Mix great athletes with a good actor, Michael Caine, and you could possibly have a great soccer film. What’s that you say? To help it get exposure in the states you need to beef it up by adding Sylvester Stallone? Are you kidding me? Victory is great, but Stallone just kills it. It’s either his constant jabs against the game or his non-believable role as the team’s goalie. Otherwise, this movie is great. I mean, where else are you going to get Pele overcoming an injury to help his team out? Or classic 70s/80s soccer moments? Why Stallone? Why?
3. Team Shaolin vs. Team Evil, Shaolin Soccer – Mix cool fighting techniques with soccer and, of course, I’m sold. The basic plot is that five monks come together to relieve the great feeling Shaolin brought to them and maybe even have a great soccer match at the same time. Each character’s special Shaolin technique somehow magically matches to a great soccer skill. The graphics are pretty cool too.
2. Dirty Yellows vs. True Blues, Bedknobs and Broomsticks – Sure it may be a musical with that guy from Herbie and Marry Poppins (David Tomlinson) as well as the Murder She Wrote Lady (Angela Lansbury), but the soccer scene is great. Early mixture of live action and cartoon is just funny when the human has to be the ref with no control. Animals playing soccer offers the great lines:
   

   Charlie: That’s a foul referee.
   Carrie: They’re animals, Charlie.
   Charlie: That may be, but it’s no excuse for dirty football.

   The match also has probably two of the best keepers/goalies you will see in a film featuring soccer.
   

1. Cons vs. Guards, Mean Machine – I know what you are already thinking. This is just a rip off of The Longest Yard. Well, when the original Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds was released in the UK, it was given the name Mean Machine instead. I’m thankful someone took the time to provide soccer/movie fans with a good movie by modifying the original concept. Mean Machine follows the same formular as The Longest Yard:
   

   Pro Player – Everything Thanks to Broken Laws + Humor + Ability to Redeem Himself = Great Soccer Movie

   Vinnie Jones works well in his role as a drunken pro who threw everything away and now finds himself in prison. The game…..errr…..match has everything: Great Commentators, a Keeper/Goalie going on walkabouts, skills, violence, and a great team concept.
   

Note: My ultimate goal was to see this movie in IMAX due to Christopher Nolan filming parts of the movie with an IMAX camera. These images were to be more visually stunning when compared to the normal movies that are translated to the IMAX screen. However, the “great” people at the Mall of GA Regal IMAX did not seem to plan well for the numerous screenings that were scheduled for the IMAX and how this might affect the IMAX blub that could overheat and break. The AJC has a good short story about it. I still got to see it on a regular screen but I will update this post later when I finally get to see the movie as it was intended.

In the simplest of terms, The Dark Knight is perfect. I have seen many movies in my lifetime and I’ve seen many that have been hyped by the media and myself prior to seeing them. All of the hyped movies have never ever lived up to the hype until the Dark Knight. I really don’t want to write this review for the simple fact that I could write “perfect” and walk away knowing that I got it right. I’ll still take some time to point out a few non-spoilerish items.

First, the reviews you have heard do not lie about Heath Ledger. I tried and tried and tried during this movie to find Heath but was only able to find him for all of 2 seconds in a scene where the Joker was wearing no makeup. Other than that I only saw the Joker, a sadistic, chaos happy murderer/thief. Heath’s performance was great for a superhero movie and even better for a general movie. He was lost in the role and brought to life one of the most eccentric characters I have seen since Hannibal Lector or Bill The Butcher (Gangs of New York). He will make you laugh at things you know are not funny and you should not be laughing if you were told the same thing if you were outside of the theatre. As for Oscar nods, I feel he deserves one. Should he win? Well, that is the best performance I have seen all year. I will most certainly make the time this year to look at all nominees and then judge again. I don’t want him to win just because he died early. He should receive it only if he deserves it.

The plot/dialog is even better than I imagined. All of the characters were perfectly captured and given adequate time to be furthered in the story. The film may clock in little over 2 hours and 30 minutes but you would never know it since you are sucked into the story. The action makes you jump and cheer while the characters can make you love/hate the world we have without heroes.

When the film ended, I knew there was nothing after the credits, but I didn’t want to move from my seat. I wanted them to start it over so I could watch it again and again. Heck, I’d go right now if someone offered it to me. I believe when everything is said and done, The Dark Knight will be the number 2 all time box office movie (you just can’t beat the teen sensation of Titantic).

I will state that this movie is NOT for younger viewers. I felt disturbed at times and I know kids would be far worse. Batman Begins might have been ok for kids, but The Dark Knight is just too….well….dark.

On my normal rating skill, The Dark Knight would receive the following rating.

[Rating: 5/5]

However, every now and then you see a movie that breaks the rating system and you must design a new one specifically for the movie. Therefore, The Dark Knight would/should receive the following.

[Rating:20/20]

Hellboy II has one fatal flaw that will make it a box office bust and I must start out my review by stating what it is.  Pure and simple, it is the fact that The Dark Knight opens on Friday, July 18th giving Hellboy only one week before the real dark hero walks away with more money than Bruce wayne ever thought he would see.

Hellboy II raises the bar many times over the previous movie.  I remember going to see the first Hellboy with low expectations and enjoyed every minute of it.  It incorporated a great mix of humor and action.  When I went to see Hellboy II, I had a little bit higher expectations but I was worried Hollywood would try to sellout and not give the second movie the justice it deserves.  Man was I wrong.  Hellboy II is probably on the same level with Iron Man and will measured against TDK at the end of this week.  Hellboy II keeps the humor and action but ups the ante as well as throwing in new characters, better effects, and a love story.

This movie is led by two great artists, Ron Perlman and Guillermo del Toro.  Perlman gets even better as Hellboy as the character struggles to fit in with the human world once the secret is out that a devil boy does exist.  He even tries to shrug off those that see his skills as inadequate while also imparting great relationship advice to a few of his friends.  Guillermo’s eye for the dark and creative is simply amazing.  The creatures he creates are spectacular look at while also allowing the characters to seem human.

The two best scenes of this movie are the Hellboy/Dr. Phil style moment with Abe and few brews as well as the fight between Red and his new boss.  You might find yourself falling on the floor laughing and as well you should.  However, please forgive the “new” direction for Jeffrey Tambor’s character.  They do make him look more like a bumbling idiot than he was in the first film.  Oh well, it works for him in some ways.

As a side note, it never hurts to see a movie with a friend who brings a cell phone jammer along for the ride.  It doesn’t stop the chomping on food and talking but it does limit the most annoying part of seeing movies today, cell phone chatter.

[Rating: 4.5/5]

On Tuesday July 8th, Batman: Gotham Knight was released on DVD as a tie-in between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.  You can think think of it as another anime Matrix concept, but better.

Gotham Knight tells six different stories of Batman’s journey into becoming the Dark Knight.  It is directed and drawn by some of the best anime directors and artists.  I’ve never been a big fan of anime art, but some of these stories look really good and work well for the stories being told.

The first story is probably the weakest of the 6, but the thought behind it works quite well as four kids describe Batman as everything from a shadow to a human bat.  After the first story, the remaining 5 pick up with great storytelling.  It reminds me of the Batman Animated Series (probably due to some of the same writers).  My only complaint would be that the DVD is short and each story leaves you wanting more.

The DVD is not a necessity before watching the Dark Knight (this Friday), but it is nice to see some of the moments that will not be described fully in the Dark Knight.  If you have the chance to check it out before you see TDK, it’s worth it.

[Rating: 4/5]

Maxwell Smart moves to the big screen in this updated version of the Mel Brooks’ created TV Show, Get Smart. This time, Max is played by the talented and hilarious Steve Carrell. Chaos is at it again, Control is struggling to save the day, and the humor reigns down upon you.

As I headed to the movie, I decided to lower my expectations after less than spectacular reviews. Also, I remembered all of the other old TV shows Hollywood tried to update and failed miserably in doing so. Would they try to sex/action/unnecessarily update a great TV show? Well apparently their consultants, Mel Brooks and Buck Henry, showed them exactly what was needed to make this movie another success for Steve.

The jokes were just as good as they were during Don Adams’ stint as Agent 99. The action was updated to make current movie goers happy and even mimicked several James Bond style shots. The movie didn’t try to kill with too many jokes or too much action. There was actually a story there between 86 and 99 (Anne Hathaway) that was worth telling and worth watching.

I won’t lie. The “turning point” is seen a mile away but you don’t really care because it works and you are more interested in how Max will end up saving the day without truly trying. It was also great to see the random actors that showed up in this film to lend a hand in even the smallest of roles. I personally enjoyed the surprise president and agent in the tree.

Overall, it’s definitely worth the price of admission if you even remotely enjoyed the old Get Smart TV show.

[Rating: 4/5]

We are only a few years removed from Ang Lee’s “Hulk” and Marvel’s green monster is already returning to the big screen. This time, the cast includes Tim Roth, Liv Tyler, and Edward Norton. Will it be better? Can the Hulk beat Iron Man (in value)? Or are we just returning to the Greek tragedy that was Lee’s Hulk and the 138 minutes I wasted the first time.

Actually, let me set the record straight on Lee’s Hulk. I enjoyed it. I liked the visuals and the way the Hulk was presented. However, the Hulk story is just boring to me. It can be slow when it is moved to the big screen instead of the comic strips.

That being said, Incredible Hulk is not Lee’s Hulk and mostly for the better. This movie was not as good as Iron Man, but it did pick up where Iron Man was lacking. The final battle between Roth’s Abomination and the Hulk was exactly what it needed to be: a hulk bashing action scene for regular movie goers with certain elements thrown in to appease the nerdy masses as well.

I did think the first part of the movie dragged. It’s slow watching Norton on the run at times (especially when he isn’t running). I started to have flashbacks to the TV show. Maybe it was the “on the run” theme or the subtle music being used. Yes, that is the final credits song from the tv show thrown in a scene early in the movie. Of course, my mind raced to Family Guy’s take on it rather than the Hulk TV show.

Overall the movie wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either. I think the Hulk is just a hard character to make the transformation to the big screen due to the story and character structure. The story had to constantly switch from its serious tone and then to some comedy in order to keep the audience looking at the screens instead of their watches. However, the graphics were amazing. The details in the computer generated Hulk were definately worth it. The best shot is probably when he is outside in the rain near some caves. The Hulk’s face takes up most of the screen and you almost swear it is a real person in makeup.

[Rating: 3/5]

Thanks to Joe, I have seen the first trailer/teaser for the movie Choke. You can check out the trailer here at MTV Overdrive or visit the teaser site which has the trailer as well.

Choke is a novel by Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club) and is one of my favorite writers. Choke, according to chuckpalahniuk.net, is:

Victor Mancini, a medical-school dropout, is an antihero for our deranged times. Needing to pay elder care for his mother, Victor has devised an ingenious scam: he pretends to choke on pieces of food while dining in upscale restaurants. He then allows himself to be “saved” by fellow patrons who, feeling responsible for Victor’s life, go on to send checks to support him. When he’s not pulling this stunt, Victor cruises sexual addiction recovery workshops for action, visits his addled mom, and spends his days working at a colonial theme park.

At first, I was excited about this movie due to the actors involved (Sam Rockwell and Anjelica Houston), but I was more worried about what they would need to change. Choke is not a very main stream friendly book in any regard. Out of all of Chuck’s novels, I would say Fight Club was as main stream as he could get and that’s saying a great deal. However, after seeing this teaser/trailer, I’m excited again to see this movie. It looks like they might try to stay true to the book.

Hopefully if this movie does decently well then Survivor and Invisible Monsters (my favorite) will receive the greenlight for production again. But again, this movie will probably bomb with the masses.

IRON MAN

Before the movie even began I was given my money’s worth. That’s right. The trailers. Iron Man unveils a new Narnia, Incredible Hulk, Dark Knight, and Indiana Jones trailer. I even enjoyed the You Don’t Mess With The Zohan.

Now for the movie. Tony Stark is Robert Downey Jr. No, I didn’t write that in reverse. I meant what I meant. In the comics, Tony is a playboy who has had it all, lost it, and worked to get it all back. He is a womanizer and an alcoholic. Robert Downey Jr. is all of that and more. With this perfect comparison, people will tend to love Tony almost as much as they do when he is Iron Man. I probably enjoyed the first half of this movie more because it was about Tony and the way he became Iron Man. Within the first 10 minutes of this movie, you will realize if you like it and will enjoy the rest of it.

The visuals were amazing. Unlike the Spider-Man movies, when Iron Man is on screen, it is very realistic (at least for me). The director, Jon Favreau, stated his movie would be defined by Iron Man vs. 2 F-22 Raptors. He was almost right (RDJ as Tony was even better) because the scene was very cool and fast paced. It mixed a good collection of humor and action.

My only complaint would be the final conflict between hero and villain as well as Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth plays Pepper Potts, Tony’s personal assistant. She basically keeps the billionaire playboy in check for meetings and ceremonies. I thought she was doing a great job early on, but that’s because she had a limited role. In the end, I realized she was playing the character straight from the pages and provided no true depth to her. She could have learned a thing or two from RDJ or Jeff Bridges (who is quite believable as the corporate head that wants it all). I won’t add much on the final conflict just so I don’t ruin anything.

In my eyes, Batman Begins is the movie that other superhero movies should be measured against. In the end, Iron Man was no Batman Begins, but it was very close.

Note: When viewing in the theatres, stay to the end of the credits. A short, amazing clip is shown that you will not want to miss.

[Rating: 4.5/5]

Jet Li vs. Jackie Chan. What else do you need? Honestly, we’ve all wanted to see this fight and now we get to see it. Now for those wondering, the fight is worth it. It’s a long fight and, to me, was worth the price of admission.

The movie is your typical Kung Fu style movie (fighting, comedy, story, lessons learned). Jackie Chan plays a great drunk (as always). Jet Li kicks butt and can be funny at times as well. My favorite part of the movie is when Li and Chan are trying to teach Michael Angarano (Sky High) how to use kung fu.

Sorry for this short review, but it’s my birthday and I’m trying to enjoy it. If you like Li or Chan and some good kung fu, Forbidden Kingdom is for you. Enough said.

[Rating:3.5]

This movie is probably not on most people’s radar, but it contains Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) and Hank Azaria (The Simpsons, Along Came Polly) and that was enough for me to see it. Well, that and a few free passes.

Run Fatboy Run is basically about a lazy bum who leaves his pregnant bride to be at the alter because he can’t really finish anything in his life. Well, later he realizes he screwed up so he tries to winner back by running in a marathon that his girl’s new boyfriend is running in. Sounds reasonable enough to me.

I truly wasn’t expecting too much out of this film and knew it would probably be the worst of the Simon Pegg movies but still could be entertaining if the movie was more than what was in the trailer. Turns out the movie did have more (more laughs, more of a story). There is one scene where I didn’t think they would do it, but they did. I don’t want to spoil it so for those who see the movie, we can discuss it later.

For most people, this movie will be a rental only. That’s probably a safe bet, but it was still a decent movie to see. Also, as a note, this movie has its own version of Megan Fox (i.e. a girl that is too hot to be in this movie and doesn’t really serve a purpose other than being hot.)

[rating:3.0]

Note:  I just added the star ratings.  I’ll be including these on all Movie, CD and Book (if I ever read) reviews.  I’ve already added them to the old reviews (Be Kind Rewind, new Counting Crows cd).